And here we are today, it started with the Everything skit, and thanks to a team of wonderful students who fell in love with the idea of speaking the gospel through dance and interpretive skits - we now have a full blown drama team that is now in the process of a third skit!
My pride and joy....
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The moment
I went back to Forest Homes camp with my high school youth group kids a while back. Once again having a wonderful experience (kudos to forest home).
I always go to camps a little sceptical and hesitant... uhg camping... and I deffinitly went this particular time with some struggles weighing on my shoulders.
"I am momentarily incapable of being a sufficient leader" is maybe the best way to describe my attitude at the time.
Of course never give God a challenge and excpect Him not to take it right?
Standing up front of the stage during our worship time I was just contemplating these things, how weak I am, how incapable I am, "God why can't I just be strong, don't let things come into my life if I can't resist them! I'm so weak and it frustrates me!" Were just some thoughts running through my mind... when at that very moment and thought I looked up to the projector where a verse was suddenly displayed [literally] right in front of my face.... "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardship, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Well, there ya go,
right there, a moment of the most audible answer from God I could possibly get.
But wait a minute - we're supposed to gladly boast about our weaknesses? What's this all about?
Needless to say our girls group walked back to our cabin in silence and then my mind unleashed ...
Why does our culture have such a scued vision of who Jesus is?
because we think we have to give up all our fun to be Christians, like Jesus is like the mobster and you're the guy who owes him money and he won't take it in small payments - he wants it all now and he's gonna beat you ten ways to tuesday until to cough it all up.
No.
I have weaknesses, weakenesses that I think are tools that Christ has not only worked with me on...
but used ...
used them in beautiful ways to create the person I am today
To relate to people on beautiful levels
I think my weaknesses are beautiful and I think Jesus does too.
Like I told my girls; why do we get so afraid to come to Christ and be fully His? He's not the image church and school and everyone else has given you!
He wants you - broken
As you are
Weaknesses, mess ups and all
It's ok.
He created us who we are and definitly prone to be drawn to certain things due to the type of person HE made us to be. All of us our so wonderfully diverse for reasons - we're not all supposed to be the same, act the same, follow the same rules.
How do we figure out each of our individual roles?
Realize, embrace and be honest about our whole, screwed up, broken self.
Even love it.
Jesus does..
and he's going to do beautiful and amazing things with it. He's gonna work on it WITH you, not against you.
He's not there to be a fun-sucker and take all our fun away from us. But give us better than we are capable of believing we deserve.
I always go to camps a little sceptical and hesitant... uhg camping... and I deffinitly went this particular time with some struggles weighing on my shoulders.
"I am momentarily incapable of being a sufficient leader" is maybe the best way to describe my attitude at the time.
Of course never give God a challenge and excpect Him not to take it right?
Standing up front of the stage during our worship time I was just contemplating these things, how weak I am, how incapable I am, "God why can't I just be strong, don't let things come into my life if I can't resist them! I'm so weak and it frustrates me!" Were just some thoughts running through my mind... when at that very moment and thought I looked up to the projector where a verse was suddenly displayed [literally] right in front of my face.... "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardship, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Well, there ya go,
right there, a moment of the most audible answer from God I could possibly get.
But wait a minute - we're supposed to gladly boast about our weaknesses? What's this all about?
Needless to say our girls group walked back to our cabin in silence and then my mind unleashed ...
Why does our culture have such a scued vision of who Jesus is?
because we think we have to give up all our fun to be Christians, like Jesus is like the mobster and you're the guy who owes him money and he won't take it in small payments - he wants it all now and he's gonna beat you ten ways to tuesday until to cough it all up.
No.
I have weaknesses, weakenesses that I think are tools that Christ has not only worked with me on...
but used ...
used them in beautiful ways to create the person I am today
To relate to people on beautiful levels
I think my weaknesses are beautiful and I think Jesus does too.
Like I told my girls; why do we get so afraid to come to Christ and be fully His? He's not the image church and school and everyone else has given you!
He wants you - broken
As you are
Weaknesses, mess ups and all
It's ok.
He created us who we are and definitly prone to be drawn to certain things due to the type of person HE made us to be. All of us our so wonderfully diverse for reasons - we're not all supposed to be the same, act the same, follow the same rules.
How do we figure out each of our individual roles?
Realize, embrace and be honest about our whole, screwed up, broken self.
Even love it.
Jesus does..
and he's going to do beautiful and amazing things with it. He's gonna work on it WITH you, not against you.
He's not there to be a fun-sucker and take all our fun away from us. But give us better than we are capable of believing we deserve.
Change
I'm not one to be sentimental or think much of changes and recently I feel like my world is taking a full 180. In a good way too believe it or not! I'm actually not complaining about something or someone. lol.
Anyways, back on a serious note.
The biggest change right now (and probably most exciting)I am now leaving my job at Islands where I have been for over the past two years. Maybe it's just starting to hit me, but after two years of grumbling, complaining, hating, being frustrated, depressed, angry and wanting to set that place on fire - I find myself crying over my last day. It's true what they say; you only truly learn to appreciate something/someone when you don't have them anymore.
It's been two long years, and I've made friends I would never trade for the world - because they've made that world, I've had good times and made memories with people I will never forget. So, maybe despite all the bad times, stupid customers and annoying shifts - it was all worth it in the end. I'll forget the frustrating moments, but never the people I've worked with.
Sometimes God is so confusing to me. Or maybe I'm the confusing one. You give me something I initially ask for(a job): I hate it, I pray for you to get it out of my life, you give me something better: I cry.
I'm beggining to be more and more greatful that I am not the one who control's my life and the universe for that matter, but it is safely in the hands of the Lord.
God has been making such changes in my life and in my heart for that matter. I feel like I've grown so much in spiritual maturity, learned more than I thought I could, and developed a deeper understanding of having a relationship with this Jesus guy. And to say the least; with all that came so many outward changes in my life. I have a job now which is more than I could have asked for, I have yet another youth group to work with (yay more little sisters to play with!), I have again - a deeper relationship with my girls, I've learned to appreciate people for who they are and not for how much we see eye to eye or our alike religious views. I feel happier with who I AM, I feel comfortable, I feel content and yet I feel so much passion stirred within me.
What is all this? and what are you doing?
Where will I go next? I don't know, but I can only anticipate it....
Anyways, back on a serious note.
The biggest change right now (and probably most exciting)I am now leaving my job at Islands where I have been for over the past two years. Maybe it's just starting to hit me, but after two years of grumbling, complaining, hating, being frustrated, depressed, angry and wanting to set that place on fire - I find myself crying over my last day. It's true what they say; you only truly learn to appreciate something/someone when you don't have them anymore.
It's been two long years, and I've made friends I would never trade for the world - because they've made that world, I've had good times and made memories with people I will never forget. So, maybe despite all the bad times, stupid customers and annoying shifts - it was all worth it in the end. I'll forget the frustrating moments, but never the people I've worked with.
Sometimes God is so confusing to me. Or maybe I'm the confusing one. You give me something I initially ask for(a job): I hate it, I pray for you to get it out of my life, you give me something better: I cry.
I'm beggining to be more and more greatful that I am not the one who control's my life and the universe for that matter, but it is safely in the hands of the Lord.
God has been making such changes in my life and in my heart for that matter. I feel like I've grown so much in spiritual maturity, learned more than I thought I could, and developed a deeper understanding of having a relationship with this Jesus guy. And to say the least; with all that came so many outward changes in my life. I have a job now which is more than I could have asked for, I have yet another youth group to work with (yay more little sisters to play with!), I have again - a deeper relationship with my girls, I've learned to appreciate people for who they are and not for how much we see eye to eye or our alike religious views. I feel happier with who I AM, I feel comfortable, I feel content and yet I feel so much passion stirred within me.
What is all this? and what are you doing?
Where will I go next? I don't know, but I can only anticipate it....
Friday, March 14, 2008
The Journey
My story begins like this...
Sunday morning and I'm in no mood to be talked to at 8am. Those who work with me are well aware.
I had previously blogged on a certain skit based upon Lifehouse's Everything song. A skit which deeply touched me due to the fact of it being a frightening replicate of my life.
This Sunday I was speaking to the youth group and so I shared this skit, which brought forth a lot of beautiful discussion. To my junior high kids it particularly sparked an interest to rehearse and perform the skit ourselves for our main church service. "Great! exactly my idea too!" I thought. So, of course I took the idea, decided to direct it along side one other specific junior higher who had been deeply touched by it, and off we set to start rehearsal's.
Little to my knowledge this process would become a great journey of spiritual strength and faith.
Shortly after we began rehearsal's some of my main leaders in this skit and I decided there is something so much deeper to explore in the theology of this skit. The rehearsal's slowly began to turn into a bible study preceeding rehearsal. A study of the nature of each character portraid, a study of what this means in our life, a study of our own lives and how Christ is apart of it. A study that dug deep and affective to this group of of us kids (and myself) who [dared] explore it.
To say the least, I don't think Satan wanted the power of the meaning of this skit to be released and explored among us and it has shown in the battles that have arose in this process. There seems to have been this darkness that now hovers above our little group now and is slowly trying to tear down and destroy our spirits. Ironically to the depictions of the skit, it's been a bloody fight and a powerful journey. I'm amazed at the things the Lord is doing and am now very curious and a little scared to see where this is taking us if satan is so determined to stop it.
There is an undeniable realm; a heavenly one and a dark one and both I feel have declared war right above my head.
If ever you feel the need, prayer is greatly appreciated.
Sunday morning and I'm in no mood to be talked to at 8am. Those who work with me are well aware.
I had previously blogged on a certain skit based upon Lifehouse's Everything song. A skit which deeply touched me due to the fact of it being a frightening replicate of my life.
This Sunday I was speaking to the youth group and so I shared this skit, which brought forth a lot of beautiful discussion. To my junior high kids it particularly sparked an interest to rehearse and perform the skit ourselves for our main church service. "Great! exactly my idea too!" I thought. So, of course I took the idea, decided to direct it along side one other specific junior higher who had been deeply touched by it, and off we set to start rehearsal's.
Little to my knowledge this process would become a great journey of spiritual strength and faith.
Shortly after we began rehearsal's some of my main leaders in this skit and I decided there is something so much deeper to explore in the theology of this skit. The rehearsal's slowly began to turn into a bible study preceeding rehearsal. A study of the nature of each character portraid, a study of what this means in our life, a study of our own lives and how Christ is apart of it. A study that dug deep and affective to this group of of us kids (and myself) who [dared] explore it.
To say the least, I don't think Satan wanted the power of the meaning of this skit to be released and explored among us and it has shown in the battles that have arose in this process. There seems to have been this darkness that now hovers above our little group now and is slowly trying to tear down and destroy our spirits. Ironically to the depictions of the skit, it's been a bloody fight and a powerful journey. I'm amazed at the things the Lord is doing and am now very curious and a little scared to see where this is taking us if satan is so determined to stop it.
There is an undeniable realm; a heavenly one and a dark one and both I feel have declared war right above my head.
If ever you feel the need, prayer is greatly appreciated.
Monday, February 11, 2008
My new obsession
My sister introduced me to this band Tegan and Sara, in which I quickly became addicted to. They seem to me to embody the perfect amount of everything from rage and intensity to a poetic calm. Or maybe just a mass amount of confusion that can only make some strange sense to a girl.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Hell hath no fury like a woman's rage
Do you ever miss the way things used to be? Before, when it was you and me? May I say; I miss who you were and I pain for who I was? Trying to find myself again is a battle that will never end.
When I think of a love that was tainted; in my mind it is your face that is painted. Oh God I miss those eyes! Not knowing in ignorance those looks were filled with lies, that I was only used to be a little while your muse. Was this my worth to you?
My thoughts feel as a though a furious ocean's wave to never be a calm as I wonder where it was that I went wrong. And there I go to blame myself again and punish unhealed wounds that will never mend, and so I will until my every thought of you is purged.
And so, to you I urge this simple question that taunts what is left of this stolen heart; what did I do to make us fall apart? I'm still here, do you remember me? I feel invisible to you now as I ponder if you too...miss what used to be. No more a friend, no one to trust, my soul still taunted by this bitter end.
~The End~
When I think of a love that was tainted; in my mind it is your face that is painted. Oh God I miss those eyes! Not knowing in ignorance those looks were filled with lies, that I was only used to be a little while your muse. Was this my worth to you?
My thoughts feel as a though a furious ocean's wave to never be a calm as I wonder where it was that I went wrong. And there I go to blame myself again and punish unhealed wounds that will never mend, and so I will until my every thought of you is purged.
And so, to you I urge this simple question that taunts what is left of this stolen heart; what did I do to make us fall apart? I'm still here, do you remember me? I feel invisible to you now as I ponder if you too...miss what used to be. No more a friend, no one to trust, my soul still taunted by this bitter end.
~The End~
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Winter Camp
I was blessed this weekend to spend it at Forest Homes winter camp with a group of wonderful junior high girls and my co-leader Ashley.
Of course there was lots of camp fun and jokes and new memories to be cherished.. but beyond that, beyond the games, the worship, sermons and even discussions I was just blessed by the presence of these girls I got to spend it with. How precious are the minds of young children. So open and loving, things I think as adults we should watch and learn ourselves from these little treasures. I was blessed to hear their thoughts on the sermons, their ideas, what it meant to them, their honesty... what a breathe of fresh air... honesty... from the mouths of babes.
It's an honor and sometimes even scary to be the one there to shape their minds, to teach and exhort them.
My plans in school had already been to go into psychology and youth ministry, but I think this weekend the Lord truly confirmed to my heart that this was where I belonged, this is what I will be doing for the rest of my life. To be apart of the transforming life of adolescence is such a beautiful and inspiring thing.
The last day of camp topped off this wonderful weekend. Walking back to our cabin by myself I was caught off guard when I looked straight up and saw the mountain directly in front of me ... thos mountains you see off in the distance when driving towards Pasadena..yea their a lot more striking when standing - so to speak - face to face with them. I felt this awe and reverence and almost intimidated, but at the same time an overwhelming comfort and burst in my heart. It was like standing in the center of a huge arena and it reminded me of one of my favorite verses.
"Therefore, since we are so SURROUNDED by a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every wieght and sin that ensares us, and let us run the race which is set before us." Hebrews 12:1
It's weekends like this that leave you feeling a little revived and renewed.
I would have taken a picture, but it's one of those things that can't capture the same feeling.. plus I wanted it all for myself and not to share... and I didn't have a camera.
Of course there was lots of camp fun and jokes and new memories to be cherished.. but beyond that, beyond the games, the worship, sermons and even discussions I was just blessed by the presence of these girls I got to spend it with. How precious are the minds of young children. So open and loving, things I think as adults we should watch and learn ourselves from these little treasures. I was blessed to hear their thoughts on the sermons, their ideas, what it meant to them, their honesty... what a breathe of fresh air... honesty... from the mouths of babes.
It's an honor and sometimes even scary to be the one there to shape their minds, to teach and exhort them.
My plans in school had already been to go into psychology and youth ministry, but I think this weekend the Lord truly confirmed to my heart that this was where I belonged, this is what I will be doing for the rest of my life. To be apart of the transforming life of adolescence is such a beautiful and inspiring thing.
The last day of camp topped off this wonderful weekend. Walking back to our cabin by myself I was caught off guard when I looked straight up and saw the mountain directly in front of me ... thos mountains you see off in the distance when driving towards Pasadena..yea their a lot more striking when standing - so to speak - face to face with them. I felt this awe and reverence and almost intimidated, but at the same time an overwhelming comfort and burst in my heart. It was like standing in the center of a huge arena and it reminded me of one of my favorite verses.
"Therefore, since we are so SURROUNDED by a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every wieght and sin that ensares us, and let us run the race which is set before us." Hebrews 12:1
It's weekends like this that leave you feeling a little revived and renewed.
I would have taken a picture, but it's one of those things that can't capture the same feeling.. plus I wanted it all for myself and not to share... and I didn't have a camera.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Watching my life before me....
I couldn't help but to cry at the least the first time I saw this video.
I'm not usually one for skits, actually, when kids in my homeschool group did skits I wanted to gag.
But this one touched me on a such a deep level. I felt the Lord truly grab onto my heart and reasure me that it belonged to Him. It was like watching every aspect and phase of my life being performed before me, it was scary. Not only did I see that, but I felt like I was also watching those phases of my life from Jesus' perspective - and what He was going through at the same times. Trying to get my attention when I wondered, trying to win me back, fighting to get me back, battling what I could no longer handle when my strength was completely drained.. still He was there fighting for me.
One part of this skit and particularly catches my attention is the scene in which Jesus jumps in front of all the temptations and holds them back so she can breathe, so she is free. She doesn't notice behind her the suffering Jesus has taken on so she can be set free and live and be happy. In a point of the skit in which people are cheering I am heartbroken. How often do we forget to look behind us? In other words - How often do we forget the suffering Jesus has taken upon Himself at the expense of our freedom? So we can laugh, live, eat and be merry, yet we don't remember sometimes what He's done so we may embrace this freedom. It weighed on my heart.
A little anxious poetry maybe?
"Go away, leave me alone, don't talk to me, don't try to reason with me, don't touch me, don't follow me, don't look at me, don't try to find me, don't call me, don't mess with me, don't break my heart,
I'm emotionally drained and finished, all trust lost, all hope fleating, I don't care anymore,
Don't hurt me, don't lie to me, don't break my trust, don't stab me in the back, don't talk shit about me, don't say you love me when you don't, don't say you'll be there when you won't.
I'm finished, I'm done, what more do you want from me? What did I do and why can't you leave me alone?
Don't give me advice to benefit you, don't use me to get what you want, don't tell me I'm wierd, don't play on my insecurities, don't make me feel worthless, don't treat me like a child, don't belittle me, don't be condesending to me, don't spread rumors about me, don't say things you don't know, don't act like you're better, don't attack my faith, don't say I don't have what it takes, don't pretend to be my friend after all of it.
I'll prove you wrong, I'll say it to your face or nothing at all, I'll rise above, I'll move on, I won't care, I'll expose you for who you are.
Don't hate me, don't dissaprove of me, don't doubt me, don't leave me, don't be mad at me, don't yell at me, don't laugh at me, don't deny me, don't help me, don't restrict me, don't tell me I can't, don't hold me so tight, don't let go so easy,
I need you, just leave me
I don't know what I'm talking about"
-Author Unknown
I'm emotionally drained and finished, all trust lost, all hope fleating, I don't care anymore,
Don't hurt me, don't lie to me, don't break my trust, don't stab me in the back, don't talk shit about me, don't say you love me when you don't, don't say you'll be there when you won't.
I'm finished, I'm done, what more do you want from me? What did I do and why can't you leave me alone?
Don't give me advice to benefit you, don't use me to get what you want, don't tell me I'm wierd, don't play on my insecurities, don't make me feel worthless, don't treat me like a child, don't belittle me, don't be condesending to me, don't spread rumors about me, don't say things you don't know, don't act like you're better, don't attack my faith, don't say I don't have what it takes, don't pretend to be my friend after all of it.
I'll prove you wrong, I'll say it to your face or nothing at all, I'll rise above, I'll move on, I won't care, I'll expose you for who you are.
Don't hate me, don't dissaprove of me, don't doubt me, don't leave me, don't be mad at me, don't yell at me, don't laugh at me, don't deny me, don't help me, don't restrict me, don't tell me I can't, don't hold me so tight, don't let go so easy,
I need you, just leave me
I don't know what I'm talking about"
-Author Unknown
Logic in a non-logical culture
A while ago at my youth group we were aksed to write down 3 questions, about anything at all, and pin them together to hang on a christmas tree.I'll be open, one of my first questions was "What's wrong with our culture?" and I'm truly bothered by it. I would like to expand on this broad question... our culture is so many things I just don't understand.
Now, I know a lot of people view me as the sheltered homeschool girl, but I think I've been out on my own long enough and use enough common sense to be able to fairly ask this question.
One of my main pet peaves is "hooking up". I'm about to get angry.... but I will try to contain myself and use as much common sense and logic as possible. Now I could start off by asking "why" but I think I will save the argument and answer that for you: It feels good, companionship, "I was drunk", it's fun, why not?, it's no big deal, it felt right, it's what friends do (wtf?), I thought he/she liked me, so on and so on....all of these statements I've heard
What I can't understand from girls is why would you let a guy disrespect you so much? If we're talking about one-night-stands here, than in reality you have just given a guy all your "cash and prizes", let him walk away with them never to think about you again, the best way to put it is - you've been used. Used to fill a pleasure, used to fill an empty gap for ONE night, used in replacement of others sometimes, you're not worth anything special, anything that guy wants to keep around, take care of, treat like his princess. What do you mean? Do you have any value for yourself? If you want to mean something to that guy than by all means make him work for it(this goes for guys too)! I truly believe if you put yourself out there as the loose and easy girl that's all for supporting hook ups and one night stands, you will be that girl that has no value to guys someday, you're the 'hook up girl'. So, keep it up and mr. right will get lost deeper and deeper into that sea until all you're left with are guppies. and I can say this by learning from my own mistakes too, I'm not just rambling off of hear-say - mostly.
It makes me sad when guys just want to hook up, cuddle, make out, whatever your current, momentary need is. My thoughts on this are just "don't you get sick of a different girl every so often?" I am sad for the guys that feel this need, that won't wait for one special girl, that can't just be happy with one person. Whether it is a rebound, or some girls to fill the gap until your next girlfriend, or you just like hooking up without the ball and chain of a girlfriend... isn't it lonely? To have to find someone to care about you every night? To not have one woman to come home to everyday, one woman you know you'll kiss every night?
Instead both men and women, we sift through partners like it's a sport. It's sad to me. In a culture where this means nothing I am afraid to step out on a limb and give any guy a chance that maybe appears to want to pursue me! What is he pursuing me for? I won't be someone's toy and I won't cuddle with you just to cuddle, I won't fill my need for someone to hold me with a random friend or stranger.... because when I do find the right guy it will mean all that much more to know I was patient and strong for him. To be able to give that to someone means something to me. And I'm not saying we'll go through life and only meet ONE person, for some it may be a few relationships before you find "the one." But I am talking on a level of "I'm bored let's hook up" "I need sex, let's go find someone" "He/she's cute, let's makeout." Spare yourself, play a little hard to get, value yourself and have a little dignity for god's sakes! How weak of person must that make you look? With no respect for yourself and no strength to turn down some late night attraction. How much more appealing a person are those who come off strong and respectfull of the opposite sex to not take advantage of them just for the hell of it? It's pretty hot to me...
Anyways, I'm rambling, it's been on my mind. So, there's my stand point. I hope it makes some sense in a culture where nothing makes sense.
Now, I know a lot of people view me as the sheltered homeschool girl, but I think I've been out on my own long enough and use enough common sense to be able to fairly ask this question.
One of my main pet peaves is "hooking up". I'm about to get angry.... but I will try to contain myself and use as much common sense and logic as possible. Now I could start off by asking "why" but I think I will save the argument and answer that for you: It feels good, companionship, "I was drunk", it's fun, why not?, it's no big deal, it felt right, it's what friends do (wtf?), I thought he/she liked me, so on and so on....all of these statements I've heard
What I can't understand from girls is why would you let a guy disrespect you so much? If we're talking about one-night-stands here, than in reality you have just given a guy all your "cash and prizes", let him walk away with them never to think about you again, the best way to put it is - you've been used. Used to fill a pleasure, used to fill an empty gap for ONE night, used in replacement of others sometimes, you're not worth anything special, anything that guy wants to keep around, take care of, treat like his princess. What do you mean? Do you have any value for yourself? If you want to mean something to that guy than by all means make him work for it(this goes for guys too)! I truly believe if you put yourself out there as the loose and easy girl that's all for supporting hook ups and one night stands, you will be that girl that has no value to guys someday, you're the 'hook up girl'. So, keep it up and mr. right will get lost deeper and deeper into that sea until all you're left with are guppies. and I can say this by learning from my own mistakes too, I'm not just rambling off of hear-say - mostly.
It makes me sad when guys just want to hook up, cuddle, make out, whatever your current, momentary need is. My thoughts on this are just "don't you get sick of a different girl every so often?" I am sad for the guys that feel this need, that won't wait for one special girl, that can't just be happy with one person. Whether it is a rebound, or some girls to fill the gap until your next girlfriend, or you just like hooking up without the ball and chain of a girlfriend... isn't it lonely? To have to find someone to care about you every night? To not have one woman to come home to everyday, one woman you know you'll kiss every night?
Instead both men and women, we sift through partners like it's a sport. It's sad to me. In a culture where this means nothing I am afraid to step out on a limb and give any guy a chance that maybe appears to want to pursue me! What is he pursuing me for? I won't be someone's toy and I won't cuddle with you just to cuddle, I won't fill my need for someone to hold me with a random friend or stranger.... because when I do find the right guy it will mean all that much more to know I was patient and strong for him. To be able to give that to someone means something to me. And I'm not saying we'll go through life and only meet ONE person, for some it may be a few relationships before you find "the one." But I am talking on a level of "I'm bored let's hook up" "I need sex, let's go find someone" "He/she's cute, let's makeout." Spare yourself, play a little hard to get, value yourself and have a little dignity for god's sakes! How weak of person must that make you look? With no respect for yourself and no strength to turn down some late night attraction. How much more appealing a person are those who come off strong and respectfull of the opposite sex to not take advantage of them just for the hell of it? It's pretty hot to me...
Anyways, I'm rambling, it's been on my mind. So, there's my stand point. I hope it makes some sense in a culture where nothing makes sense.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Do what makes you happy?
"Do what makes you happy" - I've heard this quote several times now, and something in me just doesn't feel right when I hear it. Are we really supposed to just do what makes us happpy? It's that easy? When thinking more deeply about this phrase and why it upsets something deep inside me I decided to investigate and write about why this statement just isn't right.
First of all I think the main reason I am personally not kosher with this statement is that it goes against everything I believe in as a Christian. No where in the bible have I found a statement indicating that we should just throw all caution to the wind and do what makes us happy. I've read that we should "rest in Him", that we should "be anxious for nothing"(phillipians 4:6) in order to let him take care of things and make us happy HIMself, I've even read that we should "love our enemies, bless those who curse us, do good to those that hate us, and pray for those who use us" (Matt 5:44) also if "whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also." (matt 5:39) - that sounds like a whole lot of things that DON'T make us happy that Jesus commanded us to do. And what do we get in return for this? "BLESSED are the poor in spirit, are those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and the persecuted - for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 5:3-10) There just might be something to this "taking up our cross and following Him." Just maybe the answer doesn't lie in being carefree and independant, but to trust and rest in him.... actually I've found that resting in Him and obeying Him I do not have to to DO - as in work - for what makes me happy - but it is rewarded and given to me.
On a non-biblical note -yes I thought about this is many aspects - if we are supposed to do what makes us happy does that mean that if what makes a 35-year-old man happy is molesting a 3 year old girl than he should by all means go for it!? I recently watched a movie called Mr. Brooks (fabulous) about a normal family man by day and "thumbprint killer" by night. It gave him a thrill to kill and made him - yes- "happy". And in all honesty to just end the argument now - most killers, child molesters and so on do not see the harm or immorality in what they do, they're crazy, but hey it makes them happy, right? But, this is kind of extreme so let's knock it down a notch; If a man is not happy with his wife should he find a woman that does make him happy and cheat on her? If I am not happy with my boss should I cuss him out and walk out on my job? yes, that would make me very happy somedays, but is it the mature and right thing to do considering later consiquences?
So, let's be logical. In order to "do what makes you happy" we must be selfish, greedy, not caring about other, impulsive, carefree and independant; Which leads me to my next question:
What happends to those of us who DON'T make you happy? What's left of the wife that didn't make you happy? What's left of the girl that wasn't good enough to make someone happy or the guy that didn't make the team because he didn't make the coach happy? Do we forget about these people, toss them to the side, not care about how they react or get along in their lives because, well - they just don't make you happy? I have been the girl that didn't make someone happy, more than once, and for all of those who just "do what makes you happy", it hurts to be the person that wasn't apart of what makes you happy. And I'm sure we've all been that person at sometime. I hope you are the person that doesn't go into denial, but will acknowledge those moments in your life and reflect on how it felt. Perhaps those feelings will come to mind for you next time you want to "do what makes you happy."
To conclude my thoughts I will by clearly stating that I will not make this a regualr credo in my life. Fight for what you believe in, suffer for the sake of the cross, REST in Him and you will be awarded what makes you happy. Personally I would like to know that I have worked for and earned my gifts and presents in life rather then stepped on toes, hurt others and risked different dangers (and drama) to get what I want. Take my thoughts as you will, hey, do what makes you happy...
First of all I think the main reason I am personally not kosher with this statement is that it goes against everything I believe in as a Christian. No where in the bible have I found a statement indicating that we should just throw all caution to the wind and do what makes us happy. I've read that we should "rest in Him", that we should "be anxious for nothing"(phillipians 4:6) in order to let him take care of things and make us happy HIMself, I've even read that we should "love our enemies, bless those who curse us, do good to those that hate us, and pray for those who use us" (Matt 5:44) also if "whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also." (matt 5:39) - that sounds like a whole lot of things that DON'T make us happy that Jesus commanded us to do. And what do we get in return for this? "BLESSED are the poor in spirit, are those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and the persecuted - for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 5:3-10) There just might be something to this "taking up our cross and following Him." Just maybe the answer doesn't lie in being carefree and independant, but to trust and rest in him.... actually I've found that resting in Him and obeying Him I do not have to to DO - as in work - for what makes me happy - but it is rewarded and given to me.
On a non-biblical note -yes I thought about this is many aspects - if we are supposed to do what makes us happy does that mean that if what makes a 35-year-old man happy is molesting a 3 year old girl than he should by all means go for it!? I recently watched a movie called Mr. Brooks (fabulous) about a normal family man by day and "thumbprint killer" by night. It gave him a thrill to kill and made him - yes- "happy". And in all honesty to just end the argument now - most killers, child molesters and so on do not see the harm or immorality in what they do, they're crazy, but hey it makes them happy, right? But, this is kind of extreme so let's knock it down a notch; If a man is not happy with his wife should he find a woman that does make him happy and cheat on her? If I am not happy with my boss should I cuss him out and walk out on my job? yes, that would make me very happy somedays, but is it the mature and right thing to do considering later consiquences?
So, let's be logical. In order to "do what makes you happy" we must be selfish, greedy, not caring about other, impulsive, carefree and independant; Which leads me to my next question:
What happends to those of us who DON'T make you happy? What's left of the wife that didn't make you happy? What's left of the girl that wasn't good enough to make someone happy or the guy that didn't make the team because he didn't make the coach happy? Do we forget about these people, toss them to the side, not care about how they react or get along in their lives because, well - they just don't make you happy? I have been the girl that didn't make someone happy, more than once, and for all of those who just "do what makes you happy", it hurts to be the person that wasn't apart of what makes you happy. And I'm sure we've all been that person at sometime. I hope you are the person that doesn't go into denial, but will acknowledge those moments in your life and reflect on how it felt. Perhaps those feelings will come to mind for you next time you want to "do what makes you happy."
To conclude my thoughts I will by clearly stating that I will not make this a regualr credo in my life. Fight for what you believe in, suffer for the sake of the cross, REST in Him and you will be awarded what makes you happy. Personally I would like to know that I have worked for and earned my gifts and presents in life rather then stepped on toes, hurt others and risked different dangers (and drama) to get what I want. Take my thoughts as you will, hey, do what makes you happy...
I can't spell
Well, to start off tonight I'll be the first to point out the misspelling of my blog title. What was supposed to be "Inside a random MIND" somehow turned into "...a random mid". Don't ask me how these things happen. I have no excuse. Since I'm new to this site if anyone would like to inform me of how I might edit this, feel free.
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