Thursday, January 31, 2008
Watching my life before me....
I couldn't help but to cry at the least the first time I saw this video.
I'm not usually one for skits, actually, when kids in my homeschool group did skits I wanted to gag.
But this one touched me on a such a deep level. I felt the Lord truly grab onto my heart and reasure me that it belonged to Him. It was like watching every aspect and phase of my life being performed before me, it was scary. Not only did I see that, but I felt like I was also watching those phases of my life from Jesus' perspective - and what He was going through at the same times. Trying to get my attention when I wondered, trying to win me back, fighting to get me back, battling what I could no longer handle when my strength was completely drained.. still He was there fighting for me.
One part of this skit and particularly catches my attention is the scene in which Jesus jumps in front of all the temptations and holds them back so she can breathe, so she is free. She doesn't notice behind her the suffering Jesus has taken on so she can be set free and live and be happy. In a point of the skit in which people are cheering I am heartbroken. How often do we forget to look behind us? In other words - How often do we forget the suffering Jesus has taken upon Himself at the expense of our freedom? So we can laugh, live, eat and be merry, yet we don't remember sometimes what He's done so we may embrace this freedom. It weighed on my heart.
A little anxious poetry maybe?
"Go away, leave me alone, don't talk to me, don't try to reason with me, don't touch me, don't follow me, don't look at me, don't try to find me, don't call me, don't mess with me, don't break my heart,
I'm emotionally drained and finished, all trust lost, all hope fleating, I don't care anymore,
Don't hurt me, don't lie to me, don't break my trust, don't stab me in the back, don't talk shit about me, don't say you love me when you don't, don't say you'll be there when you won't.
I'm finished, I'm done, what more do you want from me? What did I do and why can't you leave me alone?
Don't give me advice to benefit you, don't use me to get what you want, don't tell me I'm wierd, don't play on my insecurities, don't make me feel worthless, don't treat me like a child, don't belittle me, don't be condesending to me, don't spread rumors about me, don't say things you don't know, don't act like you're better, don't attack my faith, don't say I don't have what it takes, don't pretend to be my friend after all of it.
I'll prove you wrong, I'll say it to your face or nothing at all, I'll rise above, I'll move on, I won't care, I'll expose you for who you are.
Don't hate me, don't dissaprove of me, don't doubt me, don't leave me, don't be mad at me, don't yell at me, don't laugh at me, don't deny me, don't help me, don't restrict me, don't tell me I can't, don't hold me so tight, don't let go so easy,
I need you, just leave me
I don't know what I'm talking about"
-Author Unknown
I'm emotionally drained and finished, all trust lost, all hope fleating, I don't care anymore,
Don't hurt me, don't lie to me, don't break my trust, don't stab me in the back, don't talk shit about me, don't say you love me when you don't, don't say you'll be there when you won't.
I'm finished, I'm done, what more do you want from me? What did I do and why can't you leave me alone?
Don't give me advice to benefit you, don't use me to get what you want, don't tell me I'm wierd, don't play on my insecurities, don't make me feel worthless, don't treat me like a child, don't belittle me, don't be condesending to me, don't spread rumors about me, don't say things you don't know, don't act like you're better, don't attack my faith, don't say I don't have what it takes, don't pretend to be my friend after all of it.
I'll prove you wrong, I'll say it to your face or nothing at all, I'll rise above, I'll move on, I won't care, I'll expose you for who you are.
Don't hate me, don't dissaprove of me, don't doubt me, don't leave me, don't be mad at me, don't yell at me, don't laugh at me, don't deny me, don't help me, don't restrict me, don't tell me I can't, don't hold me so tight, don't let go so easy,
I need you, just leave me
I don't know what I'm talking about"
-Author Unknown
Logic in a non-logical culture
A while ago at my youth group we were aksed to write down 3 questions, about anything at all, and pin them together to hang on a christmas tree.I'll be open, one of my first questions was "What's wrong with our culture?" and I'm truly bothered by it. I would like to expand on this broad question... our culture is so many things I just don't understand.
Now, I know a lot of people view me as the sheltered homeschool girl, but I think I've been out on my own long enough and use enough common sense to be able to fairly ask this question.
One of my main pet peaves is "hooking up". I'm about to get angry.... but I will try to contain myself and use as much common sense and logic as possible. Now I could start off by asking "why" but I think I will save the argument and answer that for you: It feels good, companionship, "I was drunk", it's fun, why not?, it's no big deal, it felt right, it's what friends do (wtf?), I thought he/she liked me, so on and so on....all of these statements I've heard
What I can't understand from girls is why would you let a guy disrespect you so much? If we're talking about one-night-stands here, than in reality you have just given a guy all your "cash and prizes", let him walk away with them never to think about you again, the best way to put it is - you've been used. Used to fill a pleasure, used to fill an empty gap for ONE night, used in replacement of others sometimes, you're not worth anything special, anything that guy wants to keep around, take care of, treat like his princess. What do you mean? Do you have any value for yourself? If you want to mean something to that guy than by all means make him work for it(this goes for guys too)! I truly believe if you put yourself out there as the loose and easy girl that's all for supporting hook ups and one night stands, you will be that girl that has no value to guys someday, you're the 'hook up girl'. So, keep it up and mr. right will get lost deeper and deeper into that sea until all you're left with are guppies. and I can say this by learning from my own mistakes too, I'm not just rambling off of hear-say - mostly.
It makes me sad when guys just want to hook up, cuddle, make out, whatever your current, momentary need is. My thoughts on this are just "don't you get sick of a different girl every so often?" I am sad for the guys that feel this need, that won't wait for one special girl, that can't just be happy with one person. Whether it is a rebound, or some girls to fill the gap until your next girlfriend, or you just like hooking up without the ball and chain of a girlfriend... isn't it lonely? To have to find someone to care about you every night? To not have one woman to come home to everyday, one woman you know you'll kiss every night?
Instead both men and women, we sift through partners like it's a sport. It's sad to me. In a culture where this means nothing I am afraid to step out on a limb and give any guy a chance that maybe appears to want to pursue me! What is he pursuing me for? I won't be someone's toy and I won't cuddle with you just to cuddle, I won't fill my need for someone to hold me with a random friend or stranger.... because when I do find the right guy it will mean all that much more to know I was patient and strong for him. To be able to give that to someone means something to me. And I'm not saying we'll go through life and only meet ONE person, for some it may be a few relationships before you find "the one." But I am talking on a level of "I'm bored let's hook up" "I need sex, let's go find someone" "He/she's cute, let's makeout." Spare yourself, play a little hard to get, value yourself and have a little dignity for god's sakes! How weak of person must that make you look? With no respect for yourself and no strength to turn down some late night attraction. How much more appealing a person are those who come off strong and respectfull of the opposite sex to not take advantage of them just for the hell of it? It's pretty hot to me...
Anyways, I'm rambling, it's been on my mind. So, there's my stand point. I hope it makes some sense in a culture where nothing makes sense.
Now, I know a lot of people view me as the sheltered homeschool girl, but I think I've been out on my own long enough and use enough common sense to be able to fairly ask this question.
One of my main pet peaves is "hooking up". I'm about to get angry.... but I will try to contain myself and use as much common sense and logic as possible. Now I could start off by asking "why" but I think I will save the argument and answer that for you: It feels good, companionship, "I was drunk", it's fun, why not?, it's no big deal, it felt right, it's what friends do (wtf?), I thought he/she liked me, so on and so on....all of these statements I've heard
What I can't understand from girls is why would you let a guy disrespect you so much? If we're talking about one-night-stands here, than in reality you have just given a guy all your "cash and prizes", let him walk away with them never to think about you again, the best way to put it is - you've been used. Used to fill a pleasure, used to fill an empty gap for ONE night, used in replacement of others sometimes, you're not worth anything special, anything that guy wants to keep around, take care of, treat like his princess. What do you mean? Do you have any value for yourself? If you want to mean something to that guy than by all means make him work for it(this goes for guys too)! I truly believe if you put yourself out there as the loose and easy girl that's all for supporting hook ups and one night stands, you will be that girl that has no value to guys someday, you're the 'hook up girl'. So, keep it up and mr. right will get lost deeper and deeper into that sea until all you're left with are guppies. and I can say this by learning from my own mistakes too, I'm not just rambling off of hear-say - mostly.
It makes me sad when guys just want to hook up, cuddle, make out, whatever your current, momentary need is. My thoughts on this are just "don't you get sick of a different girl every so often?" I am sad for the guys that feel this need, that won't wait for one special girl, that can't just be happy with one person. Whether it is a rebound, or some girls to fill the gap until your next girlfriend, or you just like hooking up without the ball and chain of a girlfriend... isn't it lonely? To have to find someone to care about you every night? To not have one woman to come home to everyday, one woman you know you'll kiss every night?
Instead both men and women, we sift through partners like it's a sport. It's sad to me. In a culture where this means nothing I am afraid to step out on a limb and give any guy a chance that maybe appears to want to pursue me! What is he pursuing me for? I won't be someone's toy and I won't cuddle with you just to cuddle, I won't fill my need for someone to hold me with a random friend or stranger.... because when I do find the right guy it will mean all that much more to know I was patient and strong for him. To be able to give that to someone means something to me. And I'm not saying we'll go through life and only meet ONE person, for some it may be a few relationships before you find "the one." But I am talking on a level of "I'm bored let's hook up" "I need sex, let's go find someone" "He/she's cute, let's makeout." Spare yourself, play a little hard to get, value yourself and have a little dignity for god's sakes! How weak of person must that make you look? With no respect for yourself and no strength to turn down some late night attraction. How much more appealing a person are those who come off strong and respectfull of the opposite sex to not take advantage of them just for the hell of it? It's pretty hot to me...
Anyways, I'm rambling, it's been on my mind. So, there's my stand point. I hope it makes some sense in a culture where nothing makes sense.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Do what makes you happy?
"Do what makes you happy" - I've heard this quote several times now, and something in me just doesn't feel right when I hear it. Are we really supposed to just do what makes us happpy? It's that easy? When thinking more deeply about this phrase and why it upsets something deep inside me I decided to investigate and write about why this statement just isn't right.
First of all I think the main reason I am personally not kosher with this statement is that it goes against everything I believe in as a Christian. No where in the bible have I found a statement indicating that we should just throw all caution to the wind and do what makes us happy. I've read that we should "rest in Him", that we should "be anxious for nothing"(phillipians 4:6) in order to let him take care of things and make us happy HIMself, I've even read that we should "love our enemies, bless those who curse us, do good to those that hate us, and pray for those who use us" (Matt 5:44) also if "whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also." (matt 5:39) - that sounds like a whole lot of things that DON'T make us happy that Jesus commanded us to do. And what do we get in return for this? "BLESSED are the poor in spirit, are those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and the persecuted - for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 5:3-10) There just might be something to this "taking up our cross and following Him." Just maybe the answer doesn't lie in being carefree and independant, but to trust and rest in him.... actually I've found that resting in Him and obeying Him I do not have to to DO - as in work - for what makes me happy - but it is rewarded and given to me.
On a non-biblical note -yes I thought about this is many aspects - if we are supposed to do what makes us happy does that mean that if what makes a 35-year-old man happy is molesting a 3 year old girl than he should by all means go for it!? I recently watched a movie called Mr. Brooks (fabulous) about a normal family man by day and "thumbprint killer" by night. It gave him a thrill to kill and made him - yes- "happy". And in all honesty to just end the argument now - most killers, child molesters and so on do not see the harm or immorality in what they do, they're crazy, but hey it makes them happy, right? But, this is kind of extreme so let's knock it down a notch; If a man is not happy with his wife should he find a woman that does make him happy and cheat on her? If I am not happy with my boss should I cuss him out and walk out on my job? yes, that would make me very happy somedays, but is it the mature and right thing to do considering later consiquences?
So, let's be logical. In order to "do what makes you happy" we must be selfish, greedy, not caring about other, impulsive, carefree and independant; Which leads me to my next question:
What happends to those of us who DON'T make you happy? What's left of the wife that didn't make you happy? What's left of the girl that wasn't good enough to make someone happy or the guy that didn't make the team because he didn't make the coach happy? Do we forget about these people, toss them to the side, not care about how they react or get along in their lives because, well - they just don't make you happy? I have been the girl that didn't make someone happy, more than once, and for all of those who just "do what makes you happy", it hurts to be the person that wasn't apart of what makes you happy. And I'm sure we've all been that person at sometime. I hope you are the person that doesn't go into denial, but will acknowledge those moments in your life and reflect on how it felt. Perhaps those feelings will come to mind for you next time you want to "do what makes you happy."
To conclude my thoughts I will by clearly stating that I will not make this a regualr credo in my life. Fight for what you believe in, suffer for the sake of the cross, REST in Him and you will be awarded what makes you happy. Personally I would like to know that I have worked for and earned my gifts and presents in life rather then stepped on toes, hurt others and risked different dangers (and drama) to get what I want. Take my thoughts as you will, hey, do what makes you happy...
First of all I think the main reason I am personally not kosher with this statement is that it goes against everything I believe in as a Christian. No where in the bible have I found a statement indicating that we should just throw all caution to the wind and do what makes us happy. I've read that we should "rest in Him", that we should "be anxious for nothing"(phillipians 4:6) in order to let him take care of things and make us happy HIMself, I've even read that we should "love our enemies, bless those who curse us, do good to those that hate us, and pray for those who use us" (Matt 5:44) also if "whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also." (matt 5:39) - that sounds like a whole lot of things that DON'T make us happy that Jesus commanded us to do. And what do we get in return for this? "BLESSED are the poor in spirit, are those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and the persecuted - for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 5:3-10) There just might be something to this "taking up our cross and following Him." Just maybe the answer doesn't lie in being carefree and independant, but to trust and rest in him.... actually I've found that resting in Him and obeying Him I do not have to to DO - as in work - for what makes me happy - but it is rewarded and given to me.
On a non-biblical note -yes I thought about this is many aspects - if we are supposed to do what makes us happy does that mean that if what makes a 35-year-old man happy is molesting a 3 year old girl than he should by all means go for it!? I recently watched a movie called Mr. Brooks (fabulous) about a normal family man by day and "thumbprint killer" by night. It gave him a thrill to kill and made him - yes- "happy". And in all honesty to just end the argument now - most killers, child molesters and so on do not see the harm or immorality in what they do, they're crazy, but hey it makes them happy, right? But, this is kind of extreme so let's knock it down a notch; If a man is not happy with his wife should he find a woman that does make him happy and cheat on her? If I am not happy with my boss should I cuss him out and walk out on my job? yes, that would make me very happy somedays, but is it the mature and right thing to do considering later consiquences?
So, let's be logical. In order to "do what makes you happy" we must be selfish, greedy, not caring about other, impulsive, carefree and independant; Which leads me to my next question:
What happends to those of us who DON'T make you happy? What's left of the wife that didn't make you happy? What's left of the girl that wasn't good enough to make someone happy or the guy that didn't make the team because he didn't make the coach happy? Do we forget about these people, toss them to the side, not care about how they react or get along in their lives because, well - they just don't make you happy? I have been the girl that didn't make someone happy, more than once, and for all of those who just "do what makes you happy", it hurts to be the person that wasn't apart of what makes you happy. And I'm sure we've all been that person at sometime. I hope you are the person that doesn't go into denial, but will acknowledge those moments in your life and reflect on how it felt. Perhaps those feelings will come to mind for you next time you want to "do what makes you happy."
To conclude my thoughts I will by clearly stating that I will not make this a regualr credo in my life. Fight for what you believe in, suffer for the sake of the cross, REST in Him and you will be awarded what makes you happy. Personally I would like to know that I have worked for and earned my gifts and presents in life rather then stepped on toes, hurt others and risked different dangers (and drama) to get what I want. Take my thoughts as you will, hey, do what makes you happy...
I can't spell
Well, to start off tonight I'll be the first to point out the misspelling of my blog title. What was supposed to be "Inside a random MIND" somehow turned into "...a random mid". Don't ask me how these things happen. I have no excuse. Since I'm new to this site if anyone would like to inform me of how I might edit this, feel free.
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