Homework?

"The cross is God's way of saying 'I know what it's like'." ... Jesus' sheer, unadulterated, complete love by hanging on a cross bleeding, naked and vulnerable asking 'what will you do with me?'. Rob Bell - Sex God

I spent a lot of time avoiding homework last semester, and part of that time I spent not just reading, but indulging in this book - "Sex God". This particular part took me off guard as I read with a striking vision in front of me, a vision of Jesus being more vulnerable than I have ever been willing to be, more embarressed than I have pridefully ever admitted to being, in more pain than I will ever experience in my life, standing in the guilt of all my selfishness while he is asking me 'what will you do with me?'

I feel like that answer changes frequently from "conquer the world" to "I don't know" to not wanting to answer at all.
Right now, I think I would just break down in tears without an answer.

The God who has taken some pretty demented moments of my life and given them purpose,

taken my scars to be his own,

given opportunities I'm incredibly thankful for that are founded upon times of darkness and hopelessness in my life, stands before me giving me the privlage of a choice - 'what will I do with Him?' and I cannot speak. Me - the one who always has something smart (mouthed) to say. What does it mean to be grateful and express that to such a mercy giver? 'thank you?' that just doesn't sound like enough ...


But, I am grateful, I am grateful that I am me, and that I still have so much to learn, that I have experienced everything that I have in my life. That all the darker parts of my life have given me eyes to look at things in the different and sometimes strange way that I do look at things.
Darkness is beautiful to me in its own unique way that it shines, sadness is inspirational, Pain is something to ponder, and embrace - and to me all these things embody the cross, the sacrafice, Jesus...asking 'what will you do with me?' What do we do with pain? Darkness? Sadness?

Hide it?

I kinda appreciate it. Jesus' pain was later glorified, so can ours be, and that is beautiful.

and I may or may not have completely failed my final after writing this instead of studying.

Testimony

Have you ever listened to a song, or a poem, or a story, or an opinion...anything... and felt like the writer/speaker/song writer was speaking directly to your soul? Like they'd taken the words right out of your mouth and expressed them in ways you never thought of? This is Lacy Mosley's testimony to me in many ways.
Number one: I am in awe of God's timing. Everything in my life has always happened in nothing less than perfect timing. Every place God has put me in, every sittuation, every job, every trial, has been conducted at the right moment, and people have come into my life right when they were suppose to, and I can only see that now by looking back over my past and realizing NOW..not then...but now what a magnificent creator I have.
Number two: "The sweetness of comfort". Lacy talks about how she doesn't regret a single thing she'd been through, she has this full, amazing knowledge of how God uses our pain, our loss, our grief, to further His kingdom on this earth. She speaks almost proudly of her past, of her horrible experiences, all because they have brought her to where she is today. How she wouldn't have been able to help others now in her prior sittuations, wouldn't be able to write her songs, or know the "sweetness of comfort" without the pain of her past. THIS is what it is all about to me. I get it. It is beautiful to me to hear someone rejoice for their past, knowing Jesus is using, and going to keep using, it for their benefit, for His glory, and for the lives of not only those around us, but specifically people He will bring into our lives to minister to. How amazingly beautiful is that!!??
Mistakes are beautiful begginings, and so are trials, and I will look with hope for the glory God will bring about from it when trouble arises. Lacy is proof to me that our past is something we should be proud to show off when Jesus has intervened in it.
I love stories, and I love that in everyone's life, whether we pay attention to it or not, God writes the most amazing one's. No wonder the epic novels, and award winning movies are based 90% on the normal, everyday persons life.